What Is Coercive Control? How Manipulation & Trauma Bonding Trap Survivors in Abusive Relationships 💔

When people think of abuse, they often imagine bruises, shouting matches, or police reports. But some of the most dangerous forms of abuse are silent. Subtle. And tragically, easy to miss — until it’s too late.

This is where manipulation, coercive control, and trauma bonding come in. They often masquerade as love, devotion, or even protection, but in reality, they are tools of control that trap women in toxic relationships.

💡 What Is Manipulation?

Manipulation is when someone twists your reality to serve their own needs. Common phrases sound like:

• “You’re too sensitive.”

• “I didn’t say that; you’re imagining things.”

• “Look what you made me do.”

These phrases chip away at your self-esteem, make you question your instincts, and keep you in a cycle of confusion and guilt.

🕷️ What Is Coercive Control?

Coercive control is more than just manipulation, it’s a pattern of domination. It often includes:

• Isolating you from friends or family

• Monitoring your phone or location

• Controlling your finances, guilting you about saved money

• Dictating what you wear, eat, or do

• Threatening to harm you, themselves, or others if you don’t comply

It’s not about love, it’s about power. It’s about control. And it can be just as dangerous as physical violence.

Coercive Control Legal Definition: https://www.womenslaw.org

💔 What Is Trauma Bonding?

Trauma bonding is the emotional glue that keeps victims stuck.
It’s when the same person who hurts you also comforts you.
The cycle of love, fear, guilt, and “honeymoon phases” creates a powerful emotional addiction — making it incredibly hard to leave, even when you know something is wrong.

You’re not weak. You’re human.
And this is what abusers count on, the hope you’ll stay long enough to lose yourself.

Article on trauma bonding: Psychology Today on Trauma Bonding

🧠 Why Awareness Matters (Especially for Women)

Most survivors don’t even realize what’s happening until they’re deep in it. They say things like:

• “I thought I was overreacting.”

• “But he never hit me.”

• “I didn’t even know this was abuse.”

Awareness gives us the words.
And with the words, we reclaim our voice.
When we name the behavior, we stop blaming ourselves.

🔥 What You Can Do

• Trust your gut. If something feels off, it probably is.

• Document the patterns. Keep a record of controlling behavior, even if it’s just for you.

• Reach out. Whether it’s a therapist, a friend, or a hotline, don’t stay silent.

• Read stories like Behind the Smile to feel less alone. You’ll see that the path to freedom is possible, and you're not crazy.

If this sounds like your story, I see you.
I’ve lived it.
And I’m using my voice to help others find theirs.

📖 Read more in my book Behind the Smile
🌐 Explore resources at IgniteHer.org

If you feel the urge to help in spreading awareness, conducting workshops, and investing in helping women survive with confidence let's get a chance to discuss how you can get involved in our mission.